Inappropriate Teacher-Student Relationships Eroding Parent-Teacher Trust
Posted: Sunday, July 01, 2007
by Tish Smiley
Artists Unlimited
40-Year-Old Teacher Woos and Weds a 16-Year-Old Student
How does this keep happening? Last Monday (June 25), ABC's Good Morning America (along with every media outlet in the US ) reported another case of a trusted teacher hitting on a student! This time it's a male teacher involved in an inappropriate relationship with a female student. What's happening to the parent/teacher trust factor? Let's be honest…it's evaporating faster than you can say, "crazy teachers and sexual misconduct."
I mean, I know it's a youth worshiping country, but this is getting ridiculous. According to every TV and radio station in the US, long time track coach Brenton Wuchae first started paying special attention to his then 14 year old student, Windy Hagar, a few years ago. He started giving her special attention and rides home from practice, which progressed into heavy texting, and eventually into full blown "love". What was a gaw-gaw couple in love to do? Head to the altar and tie the knot, of course!
There was only one thing standing in their way - - the law. Without the consent of Windy's parents, ole Brent would have been committing statutory rape if he had tried to whisk his 16 year old love away and wed secretly. Parents can't control everything, but until daughters are 18, they hold some pretty potent cards. Being armed with this power, what parent wouldn't choose to employ this restraint and give their starry eyed teenager a chance to get her head on straight?
The Hagars apparently! For some mysterious reason, Windy's mom and dad actually signed a parental consent form, and their sweet 16-year-old daughter became the wife of this 40 year old man. Windy's father, Dennis, said they were exhausted, that they had to "move on" because "it was going to kill us all."
They obviously had reasons that are very personal. I don't know all the dynamics involved in this family, but I'll tell you this...I don't get it. I admit I am wrong to judge from a distance. Perhaps they were indulging parents who just never learned to dominate their own emotions so they could say, "no". But let's put parents aside for a minute.
What concerns me more is that these cases – cases of teachers involved in inappropriate romantic (and let's be honest – sexual) relationships with their underage students – are not diminishing. What's being done by state legislatures and school boards to reverse (or at least mitigate) the situation? Why aren't prospective teachers given a battery of "personality" tests before being offered their first 12 month contract?
Heck, you can't even get a good sales job without being subjected to the 4-5 hour Myers-Briggs Test. New sales candidates are told to relax, be yourself and answer honestly. After all, “There are no "wrong answers" they say. Yeah...RIGHT! Of course there are wrong answers! If this weren't so, they'd require you to take the test AFTER they hire you! But I understand – companies are trying to weed out timid, overly sensitive souls from their candidate base. For sales positions, they want driven people with the killer instinct. And why not – they want results!
Don't you think it's about time these genius "personality profiling" companies came up with some type of "test" to weed out new teachers who are a little off-balance before they begin their teaching careers?
When Linda Felton Steinbaum approached me about producing her new play, Mustang Sally, I was excited because the subject is so topical. But it’s even more prevalent than I thought. Almost daily another case is in the news. Like dirty laundry, a long list of these cases with details about the age disparities is listed on the play's website, www.mustangsallytheplay.com, cases such as Lakina Stutts, Deana Bobo, Mary Kay Letourneau, Bethany Sherrill, Kelly Lynn Dalecki, Sherry Brians, Pamela Turner, Susan Eble, Tara Lynn Crisp, Laura Lynn Findlay, Carol Flannigan, Moan Marie Sladky, and let's not forget infamous Debra LaFave.. And these are only a few of the female offenders! I heard a rumor that the schools in Simi Valley California had three cases of female teachers and sexual misconduct with their students (that were successfully swept under the rug) LAST YEAR alone!
Is it just me, or does anybody else find this disturbing?
About the author:
Tish was an Art teacher at Newmark Junior High in the North Kansas City School District before moving to Los Angeles . She has since had principal acting roles in over 30 SAG and AFTRA productions and more than 35 stage productions. She has written several plays (one, YARD SALE, received 6 Drama-Logue Awards), 4 screenplays, several one-acts and 6 comedy episodes for a cable show. She has directed 5 plays (including Linda F Steinbaum's FAT CHANCE in 2006) and countless one-acts, as well as serving as producer for many of the projects listed.
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More commentsI honestly don't think that romance between a student and teacher is wrong. Sex, though, is, if a student is underage. But, nobody can help who they fall in love with, and if that happens to be your student or your teacher, so be it. They aren't hurting anybody, and as much as people would like to believe that all teachers who develop feelings for their students are perverts and should be thrown in jail, it just isn't true.One of my close friends developed feelings for his seventeen year old student, and of course he didn't act upon it, but it killed him inside. Once she turned eighteen, and he was no longer her teacher they became friends and are dating to this day. Sure there's an age difference, but that's never stopped people before.Just don't be so quick to judge someone's motives without knowing the situation. It's true that if a teacher is making a student uncomfortable with sexual advances, that is wrong, because the student is being hurt. But, a mutual attraction between student and teacher is not wrong at all, and most times is not something that can be controlled by either the student or the teacher.What situation*************GOING TO SCHOOL***********
Its these kinds of people saying stupid love poetry crap encouraging it.
Teacher - Student forever love, this is stupidly sick fantasy stereotype.
People are People
Its just a cheap lazy way to meet someone not to mention the guys and girls that are cheating for these relations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its on the T.V !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The most saddest thing.
There's no end in sight.
And i'm angryThis is such crap!! My daughter was 17 and her 37 yr old married with 3 kids-Physical Therapist "preyed" on her. He was in a position of trust. He and your Teacher friend violated EVERY aspect of that trust. It is NEVER ok as a teacher, therapist, health care provider or ANYONE who is trusting you with their very volunerable state of mind and/ or body to have a "sexual" relationship - either mental or physical-with that or any person. Under age has NOTHING to do with it. There is an Oath that all "people in trust " take. You obviously DO NOT have children or any sense of morals if you in any way think this would EVER be ok.I actually know this story very WELL! Your daughter was 18 and she pursed him..text messages, giving him CD's, emailing him. He was wrong for letting this relationship happen, but your daughter was absolutely part of the equation. You have also said "she acts like such an adult, always wanted to be w/ the adults and never bonded with kids her own age." Didnt you give birth to this same girl when you were the same age?
To the Anonymous poster whose friend started an affair with a former student. The key work is "former". He had feeling sfor his student but acted ethically and appropriately while she was a student.To the other poster - no people cannot help who they love but they can hold themeslves to ethical, moral, and professional code of conduct and not act on feelings for minors or students placed under their care. Teachers have been entrusted to the care of educating our children and romantic relationship with students abuses that trust.While students in high school are becoming adults and are very physically attractive an ethical and professional teacher does not cross the line and betray his or her profession or the community.Said student who is not dating the teacher after graduating is now overy 18 years of age and a legal adult and if she chooses to date a much older man that is her business. The teacher has not breached his profession or any laws.However the above stated cases inthe article were nothing of this sort. These CHILDREN as young as 14 year of age. CHILDREN. This is CHILD ABUSE and these teachers should be JAILED.
Even when a student is in high school student (say 16-18 years range), it's still a violation of trust the community has put into the educational system. I believe these teachers should have their teaching certificates revoked if they ever engage in any sort of romangtic relationship with a student and be jailed for any minor child. This is NOT professional conduct.No, my dear, You cannot control who have feelings or attraction to but you CAN control yourself as a adult and know right from wrong. It's your responsibilty as an adult and a professional teacher to control yourself and learn to curtail inappropriate feelings. While high school student look like daults but developmentally their level of maturity at adult level and any parent of teenager (or anyone who has been a teenager) realize this. Teen and children trust teachers and often look up to them, and this takes unfair advantage of students and it's game where the playing field is not level.If I were a parent of a child in this situation I would go after that teacher with every thing I had in crimial courts and make sure they never taught children again. It's called being a pediophile and a child abuser. Just because as teen is willing does not make it right or ok.Yes, teachers should give test for employement. Weed out those who do have the core morals and values to cross lines into abusing children.well what will happen if the teacher herself is a college student and im 18 years old but in my junior year in high school.. huh am i allowed to dated her because im over 18 and turning nineteen soon thanks please reply
Oh my god, cynical much? I know I like my teacher, and has done for a year and a half now.I am 17, and who says I know less than a person who just turned 18? My birthday is in two months, but if I do him right now, you wanna jail him for "raping" me and doing something "against my will"?When I turn 18, he will still be my teacher. I won't care though, because in my amazing country (Sweden), teachers are allowed to date their students. It is _deeply_ frowned upon, of course, but as long as it doesn't impact on the grades or if the student is under 15 years old (that is how old you have to be to have sex here) it's totally legal.You don't decide who to fall in love with!He has obviously maniplulated you in every way. He will not leave his wife ( if he has one) for you. He will only find another victim if he ends up getting away with this. It's a part of their SICKNESS. Have you ever heard the saying" If you have to hide it- then it's 99.9% wrong". Is he ( or you)having to hide you?? Then it's wrong.P.S.It's NOT love.
Parent teacher trust is long gone!!!!!
Its natural to look and think---------------But its these pervertos who go to far and start fantasizing and then act upon it by manipulating young female/male students that have a whole life ahead of them just to please some sad fantasy or complex they developed in there childhood or adulthood.
Basically victims. They are to young to know.
--Taking Advantage
--Manipulation
--Violation
--Degrading
And NO they aren't trying to change anything either.
And of course these problems are going to get worse as people get more "desperate"
I've had it !!!!!! How about you???Just to add to this persons true comments theres no such thing as a consensual relationship between a student and a teacher because of the power difference.YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!well there is a fine line. If the teacher waits for the student in question to be the age of consent and no longer attends or has graduated from said school, than the student is no longer a student to that particular teacher and both can be looked at as equals. This particular article did not sound as disturbing as other cases. The 16 year old clearly wanted this life or she would have made an effort to stand against her teacher. If she was being abused in any way shape or form from the man, she would not exhaust her parents to have them sign the papers, she would do the exact opposite and get a restraining order. Unfortunately it's human nature to be bitter towards true happiness. Clearly they love one another. Let's move on to the cases in which there are TRUE unwilling victims. Those are the cases in which we should be taking a stand on.This girl is no victim, and there is certainly no sign of stolkhom syndrome. At 16 years of age one can comprehend or at least should understand their own actions which can undoubtedly result with full blown consequences. If not, then clearly we have failed the future generation by a lack of communication. I don't mean to sound so bold, but clearly her parents failed her.
I am a police offficer that saw a teacher out of my children's school arrested after she "fell" for a 14 year old student. I am now teaching school faculties about good versus bad teacher/student relationships. It seems crazy that it even needs to be taught but as Tish has stated, it is becoming common place. Doesn't even surprise us cops anymore.Of the 5 that I know of in my area last year (yes 5 in one year) 4 were female teachers. I have found that there are some very specific dynamics that apply. These teachers have impacted in a very real, and negative way, the ability for other teachers to have healthy relationships with students.Cops are having the same issues. I agree with Tish. Professions like teaching and law enforcement are built upon the public having almost universal trust in us. 99% of all teachers and cops are dedicated and trustworthy. Unfortunately it used to be 99.9%.
sad;99% of bad cops, are giving the remaining one percent a bad name!
Age is nothing but a NUMBER! If they love each othes let be! Stop judging people! people just hate the fact that others are actually HAPPY unlike them! I say this is normal! Let people be happy teachers as Well as students deserve to be happy!
To be completely honest, I am 100% against a teacher student relationship IF the student is UNDERAGE. I am for student teacher relationships provided the student in question is of age and no academic gain follows through. Let's face it, teenagers graduate from highschool at the age of 16/17. New Teachers coming into the school are around 24 or 25. By the time the teenager turns the age of consent there is only 6/7 years apart which is essentially the age group they would be dating in college.Now don't get me wrong, there are cases like this one in which the older teachers are called into question. A teacher of 40 years old should be questioned for harboring any feelings for a student in mid teens, however the teenager is not let off of the hook. I am 19 years old and I remember what it was like being 16. Don't go shouting child abuse because it is clear she knew what she was doing.She did not understand the full concept of what was at stake (her life will never be the same) but from the sounds of this article she fought her parents on it so she clearly WANTED it or she would have seeked help.Ethically I think both parties are in the wrong but morally I believe if they truly feel love for one another than I can say no more. What's done is done and they should be able to live their lives together in peace and quiet.
Excellent piece. You sound like a friend of mine, who writes with the same kind of passion. Well done and I hope many read this.
YES!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all so much there are alot of FREAKS OUT THERE and our young ladys are sooooooooooooo naive. There is a EPIDEMIC OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND THIS THE FINAL FRONTTEAR,' THER FOR WE AS PARENT AND CITIZEN NEED TO WAKE UP SHAKE AND MOVE THINGS . "BECAUSE IF DON"T DO WE ARE NOT TAKE CARE OF OUR LOVE ONES"!
PEOPLE HERE MY COMMUNITY THINK I"AM CRAZY. I HAVE GONE TO THE SCHOOL DISTRICT, FRIENDS IN OUR CITY COUNCIL,TEACHERS NO ONE WANTS TO HELP.!
MY DAUGHTER IS SUICIDAL AND THIS EX-COACH/BIOLOGY TEACHER HAS BEEN PREY ON SEENS HIGH SCHOOL. I HAVE TOLD HIM TO STAY AWAY,BECAUSE PREDATOR KNOW HOW TO WORK THE SYSTEM. THIS VERY SERIOURS PROBLEM LET'S MOVE THINGS FOR KIDS!!!!!!!!
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